Writing in progress…

The immense amount of pain I have left from my past is undescribable. It just never seems to go away. In my short twenty four years I have lived an extraordinary life, full of strange, fateful events and circumstances. It feels like I lived many lifes. But the load I carry is heavy, it follows me around everywhere I go. So I decided to write a book about it. It will be like a confession, but it will definitely be entertaining too. My life had it all, tragedies, drama, mysteries, adventures, action, happiness, love and hate.. I will post an excerpt from it some time in the nearest future. Be prepared people, its gonna be hardcore!! lool

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My ancestors & Me

It was really strange to discovered last year that I come from a noble family with a family tree which runs back to 15th century. My one side of ancestors came from Saxony, were nobles under the name of Von Hildenbrandt, some being as high as generals and state advisors. My other side came from Northen Caucasus and far east and were free warriors or “cossaks”. Here are few pictures of the noble family of my great-great-great-grandparents Hildenbrandt, as well as my other ancestors and a few pictures of me in childhood.

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The theme of roads in my artwork

I have been wondering  what my next artwork would be about and I seem to have so many ideas, but none of them are deep and strong enough yet to really make a great piece. I have been split between wanting to draw something dark, such as despair, longing, strong emotions; or something utopian, light and positive and dreamy. I really like the concept of the Kayne Wests video “Paranoid” as the inspiration, the colors and confused state of mind, the night and of course, the road. I am very fasinated of roads and highways, spacious avenues and generally anything that symbolises speed, escapism, path to the future and dreams. Somehow it always brings out strong emotions in me, the unachievable dream of driving away to fantasies of the ideal happiness, or some grand experiences, glamouros events, great expectations and hopes. To me, a road is also a symbol of neverending search and strive, for someone or something out there, weather it is a dark fairytale or an idealistic dream. The haroad theme in my art always puts emphasis on the linear progression, on the main subject of the artwork, on the wastness of the world that character is “living” in. The road does not separate the past from the future, because roads do not have one specific starting point or destination. The characters in my artwork do not start at a specific point either, they are always in the middle, on their way to nowhere from nowhere and their journey seems to have no begining or end. The road is always a “way”, which brings out the dynamism in the artwork, the motion and enhances the feeling of endlessness around the central figure. The roads lead forth, without being abrupt, they give a sense of contiunity of life and give a certain flow/story line. Driving or walking on the road is almost like ruling over the reality, the kind of control over ones life and death one would love to have in all aspects of life. Therefore roads and speed are so tempting and addicting. I have never been tired of drawing them or driving on them, every time it is a new feeling of coming one step closer to the elusive dream which becons me from afar…

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Female Body in 21st century

One interesting feature of a 20th and 21st century for an observer and an artist like me, is the fact that it is truly hard to find a female model in a pose that is not sexual. It has become increasingly hard to find images of models in plain, neutral poses of the body, where there is not “too much of legs” or “too much of arms”. Most of the images nowadays are usually extreme in their “excess” of long, thin limbs that are disproportionate to the torso, spread in all the directions possible, and in general look extremely inharmonious with the rest of the body. The images are also usually provocative with attention put on the female assets and are screaming “look at me” in a narcissistic, ego inflatable, sexually aggressive and a very typical for 21st century way. It makes it hard to see the feminine beauty behind these impeccable bodies, for example in a nude artwork/photo. Because all nudes are usually extremely sexual or pornographic, the vision creates nothing but lust in a very anonymous, impersonal way. The body also loses its identity and uniqueness, inevitably leading to all models looking completely uniform. It is sad because other emotions are not expressed either, such as strength, sadness, determination, softness. These images have their right to be, but not on every single commercial, billboard, video etc! That raises the question of whether there was any true liberation of women, because surely such objectifying of women is not a true freedom after all. Anyhow, in this particular post it is the artistic aspect that I wanted to focus on, the fact that it is hard to find an interesting image of a female body which then can be used as a model and a base for creating an artwork. Here are two different pictures which illustrate really well both the typical posing of the model and the harmonious pose which would look great on a canvas. I would like to point out that it is not the beauty of the body I am commenting on, nor the women themselves, nor their style etc, but simply the way they are represented on the images.


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The first image, to the left, is the one I consider “too limby”, something which I would dread to paint on a canvas. The body literally loses the torso, all you see is unintegrated limbs and angles, angles, angles everywhere. The position of the legs makes them look crooket. There is no flow on a picture like this.

The second one, to the right, is a rare picture I managed to find of a 1990s actress. Here the body is portrayed in a really harmonious way, especially those limbs which I tend to dislike so much. The arms actually complement the shape and adorn and emphasise the curves. Beautiful!

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One more unsaid word

Еще одно несказанное слово,
Угаданное по движенью губ,
И вот душа, как ласточка, готова,
Лететь поверх пушистых крыш и труб.

Куда?? К алмазной россыпи пространства,
Мерцающей на фоне синевы,
Иль к дальнему пунктиры постоянства
Земных огней над сумраком Невы?

Несказанное слово.. Пар дыханья
От нежных губ под ветром ледяным…
Молчат морозом скованные зданья,
В сугробах ночи тает лунный дым.

Горячее руки прикосновенье,
Прощальный взгляд, молящий и немой…
Ужель все это стало только тенью,
Давным-давно растаявшей зимой?

-Всеволод Рождественский, 1975

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